Dating
Being in a long distant relationship can be very difficult when trying to keep the fire burning.
After awhile, when the sparks become low you need to find ways to remain interested and invested. Dating long distance is very costly for both parties. Emotionally draining at times and mentally demanding with making time for your mate who is not present.
However, that should motivate both parties for a faster commitment to the next level. Meaning that the relocation component and conversation will come a lot faster because you will miss the person.
There are a few things that I wish I would have done differently when dating long distance that I think I would share for people who are considering it or newly involved.
—>Active communication: If it is big or small communication is major key. A quick text, phone call or video chat can make a world of a difference. Talk about how you feel. The things that you would discuss in person if you were in the same area. The thing is if you can share on social media or tell a close friend about random things that bother you, things that are random fun facts and small joys then why not do that with the person you care about.
—> Schedule a set time to make for your mate and stick to it: That phone teleconference time is super important. That is your quality time to catch up and continue to build your relationship. Pick weekends or week days where you guys can see each other and make that a priority. If you agree to see each other once a month lock it in!!! That is the time that ya’ll are giving to each other and you have to make the most of it. Make time to plan trips and meet up there to enjoy the experience as well as each others company. This is also a great way to have less distractions and more time to focus on what is important- Each Other!
—> Intimacy is still doable: Knowing your mate’s love language is important. If that means sending a word of affirmation to let them know how important they are to you. Sending them a gift, a card anything they would like to make them feel loved and appreciated. DO IT!! These things can make you and your mate feel appreciated and loved.
—> Keep the relationship sexy: A healthy sex life in a relationship will do both parties good. Phone sex, video sex, Sex-texting and sending pictures are a great way to keep the relationship spicy. Exchange sex toy ideas to incorporate into your lifestyle so that your relationship can continue to thrive both near and far.
If I committed to at least two of these things I feel like I would have been able to sustain a long distance relationship.
The adjustment in a long distance relationship is very stressful and can breed a lot of insecurities and questions. My only advice is to make sure that you communicate and you’re open and receptive to what your mate is saying. Checking in is a priority. Expressing your concerns big or small is a must. The receptiveness is what will make or break your relationship so keep that in mind when trying to go the distance.
SEX
Intimacy is not just about the style of sex. Intimacy can consist of so many other things.
Deep conversations and vulnerability with your mate will stimulate parts of your body that can help with longterm commitments. These conversations bring insight, closeness and memories that could last a lifetime.
Kissing, Touching, Bathing together, Cuddling and Massages are other ways that aid in intimacy with your mate.
The desire to want to spend time together has to be there and planning activities is a great way to switch things up.
Open dialogue
Who normally initiates sex in your relationship? I have read articles/blogs that always tell you how to initiate sex but when it comes down to it those tips aren’t always credit worthy. I read how to seduce, set the mood, what to wear, what to say blah blah blah. All of these are circumstantial based on your partner or (for some partners).
I have read how women find it empowering and liberating to be direct and say what they want when they want it and how they want it.
The one thing that always sets the stage is the dialogue. The dialogue is important. It sets the stage for the actual action that could possibly take place. It prepares you for the mood, its exciting and gives you something to look forward to.
Presentation is everything. We always want to look and smell our best. Being confident is key.
The thing about initiating sexual relations is establishing what type of hook up it is. This only applies for singles. Is this a casual hook up? A one and done? What are the intentions in this initiation? These may seem like minor questions but they are very MAJOR!!. You always want to be on the same page whenever you’re linking up. That is why the conversational piece is crucial. If you are in an exclusive relationship, still check in with your mate to make sure that sex is on the table.
Another thing, this statement should go without saying but make sure this is a mutual understanding. There has to be some type of consent agreement.
Not that I have surveyed 100 men but the faithful few or five that I have spoken to on this subject have said that they enjoy when their partner initiates sex. It makes them feel wanted and it takes the pressure off of the rejection that they face 50% of the time when taking the chance of trying to have sex especially with someone new. Discussing what you are used to or have experienced in the past is important. If you are a woman who has never had to come on to a man or even suggest interest then this could be a problem for a man who is accustomed to women coming on to him. These accounts are always circumstantial. Know what you are getting into before getting it on.